An encounter at the lake

As I recall the scene only the great willow tree, swaying beneath a cloudless summer sky, stands assured upon the landscape. Around it was a clearing: pink sands and tall unkempt grasses with blades the color of one of those belligerent green crayons from a child’s sloppy collection. Perhaps a picnic table sat before the […]

Connecting with the land

I spent a summer living on a mountain during a pivotal time in my life. That summer I made an unlikely friend: the mountain itself. When I needed to gather myself I walked from my lodge to a mortar wall facing a valley and sat. I stared into the valley, sometimes for as long as an […]

Issues with the words “atheist” and “theist”

What frustrates me most about the words “atheist” and “theist” is that they are labels for individual stances, individual beliefs, and yet are also typically statements about universal truths. Being an atheist is often taken to be an assertion that no deities exist for anyone, and this is often a correct assessment. Likewise proclaiming theism, more […]

What it felt like to be called

I sensed the divine “out there.” On some intuitive level I knew that there was something greater beyond the normal ebb and flow of life, and this something greater was powerful, life-changing, wonderful. Being apart from it felt like being trapped in a way, kept at bay from something I needed, and for that never […]

Why I pray: it changes me

I take a break from work, step out to inhale a bit of nicotine vapor and gather my thoughts, and I pray. Every time I do this I try to pray for something or someone, and not because I believe the act in itself will change anything beyond my mind. The effects of the prayer […]

“Living Without You”

This song impeccably describes what it felt like, living as someone with theistic longings, feeling called by some divinity, and finally coming into the light as I learned how to be myself. Thank you, Samantha James. Always felt something was missing I was calling out your name Hoping one day I would find you ‘Cause […]

On coming to know my gods

At first I didn’t know them as gods, but I treated them like gods. What does that mean? I spoke to them like in prayer-like ways, I revered them in innocent ways, and perceived them to move in the landscape. In other words I applied theory of mind to natural and entirely subjective phenomena in […]